Welcome to the United States!
by Airin Parker
Summary: When House's dad dies, is not Wilson who takes him to the funeral but Cameron. And she has a list of 50 things to do in the U.S., then what happens when House agrees to make this trip along with Cameron? THIS STORY HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well, this is not my first fic, but it is my first for House, M.D. I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm so sorry for any mistake or typos, but I hope I wrote everything well. Grammar corrections are welcome. **

**Some clarifications:**** in my fic, House's parents don't live in Michigan, but in California. I had to move them there to achieve the purpose of the story. Also, if some of you were worried about Wilson, don't. He will appear, later. **

**This chapter will be a bit boring because I practically borrowed the dialogue from "**_**Birthmarks**_**", but it was necessary. Hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> If I owned House, I would get Jennifer Morrison back to the show and fire Foreman or Dr. Park – honestly, I can't stand them –, instead of writing this fic.

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><p><span>Chapter 1<span>

When House opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the farmland through the car window. Then, he turned his face to his left and realized that Cameron was driving.

"I am not doing this because I care." Cameron said.

"What am I doing here?" House asked, slightly confused.

"Don't you remember? Cuddy drugged you," she answered.

He turned his face to his right again and suddenly, he remembered his conversation with Cuddy…

-o-

"_Sorry about your father," Cuddy said as she entered House's office._

"_I'm not. Are we done emoting now?"_

"_If there's anything I can do, just –"_

"_You know, you're right. I don't think I can sleep alone tonight." House said, with his usual sarcasm, while Cuddy pulled out a syringe. "And you can tell me that that is liquid Vicodin."_

"_We're giving IG shots to everyone who came in contact with your patient. Shockingly, none of the nurses volunteered to administer yours. It goes better in a large muscle. Drop your pants." She added when House began to roll up his right sleeve._

_House stood up, unbuckled his jeans and leaned on the desk. _

"_You know, I usually pay tens of dollars to hear that."_

"_The funeral's tomorrow," Cuddy said simply, before injecting him._

_"My mom called you?"_

"_There is a 3:40 flight out of Newark. If you leave now, you can be in Lexington tonight. Your mother wants you to deliver a eulogy." He made a face of despair._

"'_Eulogy,' from the Greek for "good word." Now, if she asked me to deliver a bastardogy, I'd be happy to —"_

"_Then be a grown-up. Call your mother back and tell her that you're sick with grief, but you're too busy to be there."_

"_She knows when I'm lying."_

"_Then start writing." And with that, she left. _

_Minutes later, when House stood, he lurched and passed out on the floor._

-o-

"I remember now. But why are you —?" he asked curiously.

"Your mom didn't call Cuddy. She called _me_."

"How did she get your number?"

Cameron shrugged. "Remember when you parents came to visit and we all had lunch together?" House nodded curtly. "Well, after the lunch, she asked me my number and I gave it to her."

House blinked in surprise at this revelation before speaking again. "I'm not doing this at all. If there were something to be done, I would have done it in the year he spent dying." He checked his pockets. "You took my Vicodin? I'm in pain," se whined.

She stared at him intently for a few seconds before returning her gaze to the road, and then pulled a Vicodin bottle from her purse, opened it and gave House one pill.

"Just one?" Cameron nodded. "So, you not only hast thou taken off my freedom, but you're also controlling my intake of Vicodin." She nodded again.

Seeing that she would not talk, he leaned back in his seat, looking out the window, when his phone rang. He checked his pockets again and asked Cameron "Where is my phone?" She ignored him. "It's the team. It's their ring tone. Forget it. The patient's blood is on your hands."

She sighed before taking out his phone from her purse, checked the ID and set it on speaker.

"House? You there?" Foreman began.

"I'm being held against my will. Call the police!" Cameron shot him a glare.

"Nicole had a clot in the hepatic vein. Chase sucked it out, saved her liver." Thirteen spoke this time.

"No signs of a tumor or venous malformations. Nothing that could cause —" Now it was Kutner.

"She's an addict." Thirteen interrupted him.

"Drugs and alcohol wouldn't —" Kutner began but was interrupted by Thirteen again.

"She's a smoker. Combine smoking with any one of a dozen genetic disorders, and she's a clotting machine."

"Multiple blood clots would tie together bowel ischemia, lungs, and the liver." Taub pointed.

"We need to pinpoint which defect she has so we can start her on the right anticoagulant. Draw her blood. Let's find out which genetic gift her genetic parents gave her," Foreman ordered.

"Thanks for calling. My ring tone for you is 'Mamma Mia,' by ABBA," House said, hanging his phone. Cameron rolled her eyes.

They were silent for a while, until House spoke again.

"I need to pee. Pull over at the next stop."

"I think you can handle it with that," she said, handing him a plastic bottle.

"You know what? I'll just pee on the floor," he said, tossing the bottle into the back seat and began to unbuckle his belt.

"Okay then, there's a gas station in a few miles. Can you wait just ten minutes?" Cameron asked with a sigh.

He smirked and nodded.

Minutes later, Cameron parked at the gas station to fill up her car and House opened his door.

"Give me my cane," he ordered.

"The restroom's just a few feet from here. You can make it without your cane."

"I suppose I could talk about the summer he decided he wasn't speaking to me. Two months, not one word. Anything he wanted to say, he typed up and slipped under my bedroom door." He looked at her.

"Can't you just go for your mom? Or tell her you're sad?"

"No. I'd be lying."

"Well, then, lie." She crossed her arms and shrugged.

"Who are you and what did you do with Cameron?"

"Just make her happy."

"You win. I'll go to the damn funeral." She smiled, handed him his cane and saw him limping towards the restrooms.

-o-

House was silent since he returned to the car, along with Cameron. The sky was already dyed with the twilight colors when he spoke.

"By the way, where are we?"

"Somewhere in Indiana. We will spend one night at Davenport, Iowa, and tomorrow we'll continue on our way at dawn. Get comfortable, it will be a really long road trip to Davis."

"As if I could get comfortable in these seats," he snarled.

"Is not my fault that we had to drug you so you could go to your dad's funeral. If it weren't for your crassness, we could have taken a plane."

"Oh yeah, it's my fault, then."

"It is," she said with a nod.

"My mom isn't going to wait three days just for us. We won't make it on time."

"She will."

He observed at her for a few minutes, her now blonde hair, which was tied in a ponytail, was shining with the dim sunlight and some wavy strands were falling over her face. Her blue-green eyes were now gleaming in orange and yellow, like her creamy and soft skin, reflecting the twilight colors. Her lips were slightly parted and he found them tempting… Shaking his head at that thought, he continued talking.

"Why are you so sure about that?"

"Because she told me so."

"She won't. My dad was a punctual man, beholden to time. Two minutes late for dinner, you didn't eat. My mom would never disrespect him by delaying his own funeral."

"But he's dead now. I think her son is more important than her husband now," she countered.

"No, you don't know my mom. She always did what he told her." House shook his head.

"We'll see."

-o-

It was late when they arrived at a small motel near Davenport. At the hotel reception desk was a skinny, bored-looking blonde girl, who was chewing a piece of gum.

"Welcome to John's Inn. My name is Samantha. May I help you?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I want two single rooms, please," Cameron said politely.

"Sure. There," Samantha said, giving them both two keys, "These are the rooms 9 and 10."

"Did you get me some clothes?" House asked when they were out of the reception.

"Of course, yes. I wasn't going to leave you wearing the same clothes for a week. At the end, you will smell like a skunk and then I would send you to the roof of the car," Cameron deadpanned.

He nodded, not knowing what to say. They walked towards the car to get their luggage. Well, Cameron did, because House was already making his way towards the room.

"Where are you going? You have to get your bag!" she shouted.

"I'm a cripple, remember? Bring it to my room."

She rolled her eyes and carried their luggage towards their rooms. It was going to be a long trip but maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it, especially because of the idea that she had in mind…

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><p><strong>AN: I know, in this chapter I just used many dialogues from Birthmarks with some changes here and there, as I said in my first A/N.**

**Next chapter, the funeral! It's still boring but at least, we are going straight to the core of the plot. **

**Tell me, what did you think? Should I continue or throw it away? Should I write some pointless conversations between House and Cameron on their way from Davenport to Davis, with another boring night at a motel somewhere or jump directly to their arriving at Davis, California? Again, I'm sorry for any mistakes. **

**One more thing: I think I need a beta. Does anyone want to be my beta?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heya! Sorry for the delay! Maybe I should warn you my update time is always very uneven, especially now I've started school and I have virtually no life outside it –too much homework.**

**And, hey, thank you so much for the reviews! You don't know how happy they made me! Sorry for not having answered them but I will.**

**Before you start to read, I have some special thanks. Thanks to **Notinyourlifetimehone**y**** for telling me how to get a Beta and now I have one! So, thanks to **TrenchcoatsAreSexy** for agreeing to be my Beta and beta-ing this chapter :D**

**Hope you like it! And read my final A/N, please.**

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><p><strong><span>Disclaimer:<span> **Don't torture me, please! You know that House, M.D. is not mine. :(

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

The next two days passed without incident; House complained about having to continue their way at breaking dawn, but in general terms, they were silent most of the drive. It was a comfortable silence, with music from the radio in the background. They arrived at Davis, a small city near Sacramento, at noon of the third day.

"Do you know where my mom's house is?"

"Her address is 20 Parkside Drive, right?"

He nodded. "I can't tell you where to go. I don't remember. A lot of time has passed since the last time I came… Since I graduated from college, I think."

"Your relationship with your father was really that bad?" Cameron frowned.

He shrugged. "Worse than you think."

"All families are dysfunctional. Maybe some more than others, though."

"Was yours dysfunctional?" House asked and stared at her, a little surprised.

"I guess you can call them that," she replied absently; seemingly lost in her memories. "Not my mom's family, but my dad's. I love my mom." She added the last sentence with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

House was about to ask (or press) her to tell him more about her father when she interrupted him, as she turned onto a street.

"We're here."

She turned off the car and he watched her as she got out. Obviously, he wasn't going to drop off the subject, and she knew it. She immediately regretted telling him about her family. Nobody, neither Chase nor even her dead husband, knew about it…

Before House could even get out of the car, Blythe left the house, heading towards where they were.

Giving him a hug, she spoke. "I'm so glad you're here. Oh, it's a load off of my mind just to see you. Thank you, Allison." Cameron nodded and grinned.

"Mom, how could you delay the funeral?"

"Honey, your dad is dead. He's not going to care." Cameron's grin grew bigger, as if she was telling him an 'I told you so'. "Do you know what you're going to say?" Blythe asked.

"I don't know. Just let the minister or one of his buddies from the Corps…" He pleaded.

"You're talking. I don't care that you didn't like him. He was your father, and he loved you. The war is over, Greg. Please do this for me." She turned to Cameron and continued, "Stop looking so worried. I know he's gonna make me proud. Come on, we have to go."

"I'm not that sure." She muttered under her breath, low enough so she would not listen. However, House did and he tried to hide his grin.

-o-

_An hour later…_

"The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…"

"I am not talking. We were strangers who shared the same house 30 years ago," House told Cameron in a low voice.

"You can just say something about, I don't know, the love that your dad had to punctuality or so. Say some fact about him," she said as Blythe climbed the podium and began to talk.

"It means more to me than — than I can say to have all of you here today. And now, uh, our son Gregory would like to say a few words. Greg?"

House planted his cane and stood up. He and his mother passed each other as he moved to the podium. He looked around for a moment then started speaking.

"There's a lot of people here today. Including some from the Corps. And I notice that every one of them is either my father's rank or higher. And that doesn't surprise me. Because, if the test of a man is how he treats those he has power over, it was a test my father failed. This man you're eager to pay homage to, he was incapable of admitting any point of view but his own. He punished failure, and he did not accept anything less than —" He caught his mom's stare and watched Cameron's arched eyebrow and paused, hesitating about what to say, then continued.

"He loved doing what he did. He saw his work as some kind of… sacred calling. It was more important than any personal relationship. Maybe if he'd been a better father, I'd be a better son. But I am what I am because of him, for better or for worse. And I just — I just wish —"

He didn't finish his speech because he ducked his head down, feigning sadness. If Cameron hadn't known him well, she could have thought that he was about to cry. She stared at him as he leaned down to kiss John. _What the hell was he doing?_, she thought, _he would never kiss –_…her thoughts were interrupted when she saw him cutting a piece of John's earlobe with a nail clipper, hidden by a handkerchief. Then he returned to his seat.

"When I said about telling a fact about your dad, I didn't told you to criticize him. And what are you doing with the piece of his ear?" she hissed.

"Well, he's not going to miss it."

She could barely contain her anger and to avoid exploiting in front of everyone, she stood up, gave Blythe a nod and left. He stared at her but he stayed in his seat.

-o-

After the funeral, House couldn't find Cameron anywhere, so he had to ask his mom to drive him to her house; this time, they were going to sleep there, not in a motel. When he entered the house, he went to the main guest room and found Cameron. She was laying in the bed, with her head between her hands, her fingers pressing her temples. There was a large notebook and a lot of papers; all of them seemed to be tourist brochures. She felt him sitting at her side, but she didn't move. Taking one of the brochures, which was about the Grand Canyon, House looked at it and checked the rest of them. There were about Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, among other places. Cameron finally moved. She grabbed the notebook and began to read it.

"Planning in doing a road trip?" he asked.

Cameron lifted her eyes from the notebook and looked at him. She hesitated a few seconds before nodding and handing him it.

"Take a look. You may find it interesting."

He took it. On the cover was written: "50 Things One Must Do On A US Road Trip". Curious, he opened it and began to read. It was, basically, as the cover told, a to-do list. He smirked while reading; some things seemed fun to do, but others, he thought, were stupid, though the idea of doing a road trip across the country was interesting. When he finished reading, he returned the notebook to Cameron. She looked at him, expectantly and waited for him to talk. When he didn't talk, she did.

"So what do you think?"

"It seems… interesting."

"I've always wanted to do a road trip but I never had the chance to do it –" She hesitated before adding. "And now it seems like I have a golden opportunity. We are in California, we came here driving from New Jersey and we have to drive back there as well…"

"Are you telling me you want to do that on our way back to Plainsboro?"

"Actually, I wanted to go to New York City."

"Okay. Then that means I'll have to take a plane back to New Jersey so you can do your dream trip." He raised his eyebrows.

She was silent, as if she were having an inner battle. After a few seconds, she raised her head and stared him directly into his eyes. "It would be boring to do the things on the list alone. I would like you to come with me."

He frowned and stood up. "Considering the fact that you practically kidnapped me to go to the funeral of my father, to which I didn't plan to go, I want it to end as soon as possible and so I could return to the comfort of my apartment with my scotch and my hookers."

Despite the hardness of his words, Cameron smiled. "Come on, it can be fun."

"Fun? I think I'd rather to walk all the way to my apartment instead of spending who knows how many weeks in a car with you, just to do every thing in this damn list," he protested.

"Fine. Do what you want. Just remember that I have your Vicodin and I think the next flight to Newark departs in four hours. Oh, by the way, the road trip is going to last three weeks," she said with an evil grin.

"You are not Cameron. She would never do that." He groaned.

"Well, there are a lot of things about me that you don't know." She shrugged.

That convinced House. That trip would give him a really great opportunity to learn about her and by the way, he could finally solve the endless puzzle that his immunologist was. Besides, they had a lot of vacation time accumulated and Cuddy wouldn't care if they both took three weeks off. So he nodded, defeated.

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><p><strong>Okay, what did you think about it? Did you like it? I'm not fully convinced with the ending but I think it's okay… or I hope so.<strong>

**I think you all are curious about Cameron's list so I need your help with next "chapter". It's not precisely a chapter because I'm going to publish the list. I need you to suggest some ideas to add to the list. I already have it written but it has only around 45 things and I need 50. If you are interested in helping, read the next two paragraph.**

**They are going to visit the following states: California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Washington DC and New York.**

**I have plenty of ideas for California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas, Kansas, Pennsylvania and New York… but almost none for Illinois (Cameron's home state!), Indiana, Missouri, Ohio and DC so if you have ideas to do in those states, much better! =)**

**See ya!**

**PS: One last thing. Do you want smut? I will read your opinion. But I must say, I have some ideas for it if you want smut.**


	3. The List

**That was a quick update but today Shore and Laurie announced that this eight season of House, MD is the last one. I'm depressed. So I decided to upload the list today instead of on the weekend in their – and Hameron – honor. **

**A warning: there's only one thing left to complete Cameron's list. Again, thanks to **TrenchcoatsAreSexy** and to some of my readers for giving me some wonderful ideas! And may I ask you what happened? Did you hate the last chapter? I'm asking you that because there was a huge decrease in the reviews.**

**Well, hope you like it!**

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><p><span>Disclaimer:<span> If House, MD belonged to me, it wouldn't be cancelled. I would continue it until the… twentieth season, lol. How sad.

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><p><span>The Cameron's US List<span>

1. Spend the night in a motel worthy of a horror movie with a corpse in the pool included. **– Any state.**

2. Eat a couple of chicken breasts in a Hooters. **– Any state.**

3. Sneak as an extra in a low-budget film. **– Any state.**

4. Sleep in a storm shelter. **– Any (southern) state.**

5. Get into a taxi and tell the driver. "Follow that car!" **– Any state.**

6. Find an abandoned gas station on Route 66. **– Any state.**

7. Eat an ice cream bought in an ice cream truck. **– Any state.**

8. Watch a movie in a drive-in theater, accompanied with butter popcorns and hamburgers. **– Any state.**

9. Wash your clothes in a Chinese laundry in downtown Chinatown. **– Any state.**

10. Get into a roadside bar and challenge a couple of bikers saying: "The girl is mine." **– Any (southern) state.**

11. Go to a ghost town somewhere. **– Any state.**

12. Drink some good wine in Napa Valley. **– California.**

13. Go to the beach in Laguna Beach and roast some marshmallows. **– California.**

14. Get a tattoo at a tattoo place on Hollywood Boulevard. **– California.**

15. Buy a box of noodles in a kiosk in Chinatown San Francisco and eat them on the road with chopsticks. **– California.**

16. Drive down Lombard Street, the street with the highest number of curves in the world, in San Francisco. **– California.**

17. Throw a few bouncing balls from the top of any street in San Francisco, as in the Sony Bravia commercial. **– California.**

18. Buy a Movie Star Homes Map and drive around Hollywood Hills and Beverly Hills. **– California.**

19. Allow the Zoltar machine to predict your future. You can find it at Fisherman's Wharf, in San Francisco, or at Coney Island. **– California or New York.**

20. Think if it's worth dying in Death Valley. **– California/Nevada.**

21. Attend an express wedding in Las Vegas. **– Nevada.**

22. Play Blackjack in any casino in Las Vegas. **– Nevada.**

23. Watch a Cirque Du Soleil spectacle in Las Vegas. **– Nevada.**

24. Try not throwing up when boarding the helicopter at the Grand Canyon. **– Arizona.**

25. Visit the UFO Museum and Research Center and buy some useless alien merchandising in Roswell. **– New Mexico.**

26. Get a giant foam glove in Texas and run around, encouraging the local team. **– Texas.**

27. Go to "The Big Texan Steak Ranch" in Amarillo and eat a 72 oz. steak in less an hour. If you succeed, you don't have to pay and they will put your name on the Wall Of Fame. **– Texas.**

28. Visit the locations of "In Cold Blood" in Holcomb **– Kansas.**

29. Pilot a plane by the state of Kentucky. **– Kentucky.**

30. Eat in a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Kentucky. **– Kentucky.**

31. Drive a Formula One in Indiana. **– Indiana.**

32. Go to a baseball game in Chicago and eat some hot-dogs with Cherry Cokes. **– Illinois.**

33. Go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland and make an air-guitar solo. **– Ohio.**

34. Go to any Amish community in Ohio or Pennsylvania and have a chat with the local patriarch. **– Ohio or Pennsylvania.**

35. Go to Hershey Park and get to see how chocolate is made. **– Pennsylvania.**

36. Go to the Eastern State Penitentiary on Halloween. Participate in the "Terror Behind the Walls" annual event. **– Pennsylvania.**

37. Run around Independence Mall singing songs from 1776. **– Pennsylvania.**

38. Sit on the branch where each year the groundhog comes out to predict the weather in Punxsutawney. **– Pennsylvania.**

39. Visit the Philadelphia Museum of Art and run and sing 'Eye of the Tiger' like Rocky. **- Pennsylvania.**

40. Go to the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. **– Maryland. **

41. Try the famous Chocolate Fudge of Annapolis. **– Maryland. **

42. Try to sneak into the Oval Office of the White House. **– Washington DC.**

43. Play a Gibson Les Paul at a store in 48th Street. **– New York.**

44. Enter the New York Public Library to see if there is a ghost and run out like the Ghostbusters. **– New York.**

45. Make a flying visit to the Dakota Building, where John Lennon was murdered. **– New York.**

46. Play random melodies on the "_Big_" piano located on the FAO Schwartz toy store on 5th Avenue, which was featured in the film "Big". **– New York.**

47. Go to the Museum of Sex. **– New York.**

48. Get your picture taken with the Naked Cowboy. **– New York.**

49. Go to a Gospel mass in Harlem. **– New York.**

50. Ride the highest and fastest rollercoaster in the world: the Kingda Ka, in Six Flags: Great Adventure. **– New Jersey.**

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><p><strong>I still can't believe House is over. After all these eight years… and Cameron was never back :(<strong>

****And I'm asking you again: do you want smut? And, I want to change my story title to Welcome to the United States. Which one would you choose?****

**I'll update in mid February, I promise. The trip begins!**

**Long life to House, MD, Gregory House, Allison Cameron and Hameron!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Uh-oh, I'm sorry! Okay, you all are wonderful! I can't believe the response that the last chapter received… you make me smile and want to keep writing! And I hate disappointing you. I know, I promised to update in mid February but school has been eating my soul and well… there also was a slight delay with my Beta. But she is the best Beta I could have asked for. Thank you again, **TrenchcoatsAreSexy**!**

**And you, **Notinyourlifetimehoney**, since I can't reply you in a review, I have to say: thank you! I loved your idea – though I have to investigate a bit more about it –, and I've already added it to the list! **

**But finally there's a new chapter and the road trip begins! Just wanted to warn you: this chapter may not be the most interesting one - I recognize it -... but I wouldn't give up with the story! :D**

**Hope you enjoy it and have a happy Leap Day! Lol.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>If I owned House, MD, Cameron would return to the show for the season finale.

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><p><span>Chapter Three<span>

_Friday October 3__rd__, 2008 – Day One._

_Destination: Napa Valley and San Francisco, California._

"Please, remind me why I'm doing this." House snorted. They were on their way to Napa Valley.

They had said goodbye to House's mom and left Davis at half past nine AM, after leaving Cuddy a message, asking her for permission to take three or four weeks off, with the excuse that they had been through so much in the last few days. They spent most of the night planning the trip - okay, Cameron did. Looking at her out of the corner of his eye, he enjoyed seeing her so focused on her laptop, with her glasses on, and yet so excited., House had fallen asleep, snoring lightly over the brochures, only a few of which they had gotten through. She had smiled while watching him sleep; he looked so peaceful, She continued planning.

"Because I have your Vicodin and I think it's going to be fun," she replied with a smile.

"Right… but why did you wake me up so damn early? It wasn't necessary," he grumbled again.

She sighed. "Because we have an appointment for a wine tasting tour at Domaine Carneros at 11. It was hard to get it and I don't want to lose it for a delay or traffic."

"Wine tasting. It sounds like fun," he mumbled, watching through the car window and with that, they settled in an awkward silence.

-o-

"Okay, that's pathetic," he said after a few minutes. "We should play something. What about if we play twenty questions?"

"Twenty questions?" Cameron asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, that game in which we have to ask twenty questions to each other and we must ask them –"

"I know which one it is. But why would you want to play that?"

"Which is the issue? It's a perfectly normal game on a road trip." His eyes widened, feigning innocence. "Besides, I know you professionally, but almost nothing about your personal life."

"My personal life is none of your business, you know?" She sighed. "Okay, let's do it. It's better than spending the whole trip silent. But I'd like to put one rule: we can veto one question. Just one," she said showing a finger.

"Sounds good to me." Before Cameron could say anything, he continued. "I'll start. Let's see… What's the matter with your father and his family?"

"Oh no, not that. Can I veto that question?" she answered, shaking her head.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?"

"It's too personal. I hadn't even told it to my husband. What made you think I'm going to tell you about them?"

"We are going to spend three or more weeks together… I have enough time. You're going to tell me it some day. I know it." He smirked – _Damn, I wouldn't have told him about it,_ Cameron thought. "Your turn, then. But remember, you lost your chance to veto."

She rolled her eyes and thought about her question a few seconds. "Why did you cut a piece of your dad's ear in _his_ funeral, when you were supposed to deliver an eulogy?"

House grimaced. He didn't really want to answer her that question but he thought about the other ones she would do about his past and definitely, there were worse. "Because I want to do a DNA test on him."

"What?" She looked at him in shock.

"He isn't my biological father. I found it out when I was twelve."

"You don't believe your mom screwed around when your father wasn't around, do you?" Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"He was deployed on training exercises off Okinawa during the time I had to be conceived and my mom was in California. Also, his second toe is longer than his big toe. Mine isn't."

"Yeah, that proves everything," she said sarcastically.

He shrugged. "It does. And I'm going to prove it. My turn. Where'd you get that ridiculous list?"

She smiled as so many good memories of her teenage years flowed through her mind. "Well, when I was seventeen, I made a road trip from Chicago to Boston with my siblings, uncles and cousins. It was a short one; we almost didn't stop, but we had lots of fun. Then we decided to do a U.S. travel list and next time, we would start from California to end in New York City, trying to do everything in the list. But my aunt died when I was eighteen, so we couldn't do it. I saved the list, hoping to do it someday," she ended with a sad whisper.

"Reading the things in this list, I see that your family was very sane."

"What else could you expect from a trip in which five teenagers and two children were?" she said with an amused expression and suddenly, she gasped. "Look, we're already in Napa Valley."

It was early October, so the Napa Valley landscape was truly breathtaking. There were splashes of yellow, orange, red, green and brown everywhere. Fall meant harvest time, and they could smell the grapes as Cameron drove through the valley. She had heard about how beautiful the vineyards in Napa were, but she had never imagined it to be this wonderful. And House, well - he was hungry and bored, so he didn't pay much attention to the landscape. He just thought about a glass of wine and a big piece of cheese – he had heard about the delicious cheeses that were sold here.

In less than five minutes, they arrived at Domaine Carneros, and she parked her car in the parking lot. She didn't wait for House, avoiding him from asking any further questions, and she walked across the beautiful gardens, into the building, which looked more like a château. She went to the reception, where a young woman was smiling broadly.

"Welcome to Domaine Carneros!" she said cheerfully, "May I help you?"

"I have a reservation for a wine tasting tour at 11 o'clock under the name of Allison Cameron," Cameron replied, corresponding her smile, as House went in, limping.

"Why, thank you for waiting," he complained. Cameron just ignored him.

"Yeah, Allison Cameron, here is," the cheerful receptionist said, checking the computer screen. "Come with me. I'll show you where you can wait for your guide." She walked out from behind of the large counter and they followed her into a small, yet elegantly decorated room.

"So, are you on a honeymoon?" the woman asked and before they could say anything, she continued with a smile. "So then, congratulations for your wedding! You both do a cute couple."

"We are not –" Cameron began to protest but House grabbed her right hand, intertwining their fingers, and her words were struck in her throat in surprise.

"Thank you so much," he answered the woman with a small grin.

"I wish you both good luck! Okay, you can sit in these chairs. Your guide will come soon." With a last smile, the woman walked out of the room.

He released Cameron's hand and sat in one of the chairs. She couldn't help but feeling a void in her at the loss of heat. His fingers intertwined with hers felt so good; it felt right… _Allison!_ She slapped herself mentally, _you're supposed to be over him; not thinking about how nice does his hand feels._

Shaking her head, she sat in a chair next to his. "House! What the hell was that?" she almost shouted.

"I thought it was fun. Come on, Cameron just relax. We are on vacation; we should have fun. _When the working day is done, oh, girls just want to have fun_." He sang the song lines from Girls Just Want To Have Fun sarcastically. "Or you haven't had sex in a long time and that's why you're that tense, or you aren't over me. Which one?" She shot him a quick glare, not answering his question. "Oooh, stubborn, aren't you? Okay, I think it's both things. You still have a crush on me and… maybe you've broke up with Chase, or was he who broke up with you, because of your crush on me?"

"One more time, I'm over you. And no, I was the one who broke up with him," she replied quickly.

He opened his mouth to remark but the words never came because at that time, a man entered the room. He was a well-dressed man – he wore straight jeans, a tailored shirt and a plaid foulard around his neck –, and his shoulder-length brown hair was pulled into a ponytail.

"Hello, my name is Jeremy and I'll be your guide," he said with a soft, deep voice and extended his hand. Cameron shook it but House just stared at it until Jeremy dropped it. "Shall we begin?"

"Of course," she said as they followed him outside.

"Are you sure he isn't gay?" House whispered to Cameron, fortunately in a voice low enough so Jeremy didn't listen. Her eyebrows rose and she gave him a nudge in his ribs. "Aw, that is not a way to treat a cripple."

-o-

"The grapes ripen between mid-September and late October, but it depends on the weather conditions," the guide began to explain gesticulating a lot as they were walking around the vineyards. "To decide when to harvest the grapes, the winemaker must taste the grapes, chew the seeds and measure the sugar content. Then, when he approves, the workers have to harvest the grapes as soon as possible. These grapes are dropped into bins and when they are in the winery, they are crushed. By the way, contrary the popular belief, grapes are crushed using special machines, not with the feet of old and fat men and women," Jeremy joked, making Cameron smile slightly and House growl.

"This is the spot where red wine differs from white wine. When crushing the grapes, the skins and seed are removed for white wine. And for red wines, the skins and seeds remain because these are poured into steel fermenting tanks, with a bit of cultured yeast, which is added by the winemaker. The yeast digests the sugars in the grape juice, producing alcohol as result. Before fermentation, the wines are poured into barrels made for aging process, which can last from months to years. While aging the wines are racked several times. Next, the wine is poured into their bottles and it continues aging. And finally, people can consume it." The guide showed them a lot of machines used during winemaking process.

Before walking around a little more, the tour ended and Jeremy took them to the terrace restaurant, where they were going to have their wine tasting. When House and Cameron were seated at the table, the young guide slipped a business card near Cameron's hand.

"You're such a beautiful woman and I'd love to meet you some day, so here's my number," he said with a big grin.

House tensed his hand on his cane and saw red. He didn't know why, but he hated having that man around Cameron. He grabbed her hand again.

"Sorry, but she's already mine. Go find someone else, maybe in a gay club?"

Their faces turned bright red. She hid her face in her arm over the table while Jeremy stammered.

"Uh, really? B-but I thought you were her… father. She has no –" he didn't even finish his sentence because he ran away.

"You can be really an idiot." Cameron finally lifted her face from her arm; it was still red though not as bright, and picked the menu.

"Hey, he's not supposed to flirt with his customers."

"Yeah, I agree with that but was that necessary?" She shook her head. "And can you release my hand, _please_?"

"Oh," House said as he released her hand. "And well, I had to get rid of him in some way. And you wanted to do that with me, knowing how I am, so deal with it."

She sighed. The waiter arrived and they ordered a sparkling wine sampler – which consisted of 2 oz. flutes with three different types of wines – and a sparkling cheese plate. They ate in silence; they both were too lost in their thoughts: Cameron was startled because of her feelings when House took her hand… but she was still sure she was over him. And House was focused on his cheese plate but in a corner of his mind, he was wondering why the hell he had reacted like that at the words of the guide.

Weird.

When they finished, they got into the car and Cameron began to drive towards San Francisco.

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><p><strong>One more thing: Based on reviews, I finally decided to move this story to the M section but I will do it when the time comes. For now, there will be no smut. :)<strong>

**I don't know when I'm going to update because I haven't finished writing the next chapter yet, but hopefully it will be before April.**


	5. Chapter 4

**And yes, I've changed the story title. It's now Welcome to the United States! :) Sorry if the change confuses you but A Road Trip List sounded pretty boring for me – I swear I'm not going to change it again; I like this one a lot so don't worry about that now, LOL.**

**As always, there are some thanks that I would like to give: to **TrenchcoatsAreSexy** for betaing this, to Saint **Google** and to **Google Earth**! I know that sounds weird but both pages were such a big help and will be as the trip lasts. **Also there was a blog – it is in Spanish – which was another big help. It's named: ****¡A Todo Caucho!****.** **I got a lot of things from the list and some ideas there. You should check it out if you know Spanish :)** **

**One last thing and I'll let you read: I admit it and I'm sorry if the last chapter was boring. But don't give up with the story, I promise that things will improve… and this chapter is LONG. The longest I've ever written. :D And please, read my final A/N! I mentioned a very important thing there!**

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><p><span>Chapter Four<span>

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><p><em>Friday October 3<em>_rd__, 2008 – Day One._

_Destination: Napa Valley and San Francisco, California. _

They were on their way to San Francisco. The first few minutes went by in silence, until Cameron reached for her small, silvery iPod Nano from the pocket of her jacket and plugged it into the stereo, selecting _Moonlight Mile_. House stared at her questioningly as she sang the first lines of the song.

"Do you like the Rolling Stones?"

"Yeah, I think they're one of the best bands that ever existed," she smiled.

"Let me see your iPod," he ordered.

She shrugged and nodded. House unplugged it and began to check her music list. She actually had good taste in music; she had bands like Jon Bon Jovi, Nirvana, AC/DC, The Who, Guns 'N' Roses, The Beatles, among others. He was also surprised to find some classical music in it. But there were also some really awful groups and singers, in his opinion.

"Eminem? Seriously?"

"Some of his songs are okay," she defended.

"And what's about Madonna? She's okay and it's hot when she kisses Britney, but it doesn't really goes along well with Radiohead."

"What can I say? I'm open-minded with music, though I prefer rock and metal music from the sixties or seventies."

"I can see that. But I don't see Aerosmith on your playlist. Why?"

"I hadn't heard about them…" she tilted her head a bit.

"How is that even possible? They are the best ones as well as Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. They are… rock legends," he said, arching his eyebrows in shock. "Your taste in music is good, but I have to train you a bit. You can't die without listening to Janis Joplin."

"Janis Joplin?" she asked, amused.

"Yeah, actually you'd be surprised of how good her songs are." He shrugged.

"Okay…" she said slowly "But you say the rock from the sixties is the best. What about present day rock?"

"Actual rock sucks," House grumbled. "I'm surprised you don't know that."

"Not really. It depends on the band. Have you ever bothered to hear to Arctic Monkeys or Coldplay?"

"Arctic Monkeys? I was pretty sure there were no monkeys since Ice Age," he said in mock surprise.

She rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a no."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Give me my iPod back. I'll play some songs from these groups and then you can tell me if you like them or not," she said with a sigh as she took her iPod from House's hands and connected it into the stereo again. _Viva La Vida_ by Coldplay began playing while they crossed the Golden Gate, welcoming them to a sunny San Francisco.

Two songs later, House had to admit he was enjoying it, not just the music but also the moment and listening to Cameron singing these songs softly. He could actually relax and be himself – well, as much as he could be.

When the last note from a song died, she glared at him. "What did you think?"

"If you were a singer, you'd be living in a cardboard under a bridge now," he said, even though he did like to listen to her, making her poke her tongue. "No, I really was about to throw myself out through the window."

"Whatever." She said, rolling her eyes but with a small smile.

"I think Coldplay was really good. But I'm still not sure about Arctic Monkeys. Are you sure they aren't frozen?" he asked, widening his bright blue eyes. She just rolled her eyes again as they reached their destination: the hotel. On the outside, it seemed like a normal, ramshackle building with fire stairs and a weird sign that read 'Hotel Des Arts' but when they entered into the lobby, House realized it was anything but normal.

The lobby was a wide space, with white walls and light brown wooded floor, with some white modern chairs and black tables over it. On the walls, there were abstract and colorful paintings. The female receptionist was behind a minimalist desk, and Cameron was again responsible to get their reservations. They had the rooms 204 and 308 and they took the elevator, with the bellboy, who was carrying their luggage, following them.

"There's no way I'm going to sleep here," House almost jumped when they entered into room 204. "I want to feel like I'm in a room, not in a flower field."

The room walls were beautifully painted with Japanese girls wearing large, colorful kimonos and fans, with flowers in pastel colors intertwined in the girls' hair and there were lots of plants surrounding them.

"But it's beautiful," Cameron said, amazed.

"Do you like it? Want to change your room? It wasn't necessary but why, thank you, Dr. Cameron."

"Nice try but I won't change it, House. If you have complaints, talk with the receptionist," she answered with a small grin.

"But that's not fair!"

"You haven't even seen mine. Maybe you'll hate it more."

"So I hope yours are worse than mine," he whined.

"We'll see," she told the bellboy to leave House's luggage there and to go to room 308 and then they left.

In one of the gold-colored walls from Cameron's room, there was painted a big, black peacock with large, blue, green and yellow feathers and some beige waves were coming out of its back. Around it, there were some tiny, leafless trees, some weird, purple and black flowers and red poppies.

"You see? At least, here I don't feel like some girls are going to take some flowers from their garden and braid them in my hair while I'm sleeping."

"Yeah, but I'm not changing. I love peacocks." House was opening his mouth, ready to discuss again, but she was quicker. "It's almost twilight; we can't do much today but there must be something to do. Shall we go?"

"Where?" He was confused.

"I don't know, somewhere. Maybe to Fisherman's Wharf and see what do we can do from the list? I think there's a Zoltar machine." She shrugged.

"What the fuck is a Zoltar machine?"

"Haven't you seen 'Big'?" her eyes widened at his question. He shook his head. "How is that possible? It's the Tom Hanks film! The one in which, before wishing to be big at a Zoltar machine, he wakes up the next morning and finds himself in an adult body literally. So he haves to adapt himself to an unfamiliar world and…"

"Okay, okay, I haven't seen it and I regret nothing; just let's go to see that Zilton machine and do whatever you want," he said abruptly, standing up and limping towards the door.

"It's _Zoltar_, House."

"Whatever." And then he left. She smiled before following him.

-o-

Cameron chose the Pier 39 as their destination at Fisherman's Wharf. It was a shopping center built on a pier, with numerous stores, attractions and restaurants, as well as the famous California sea lions. As they walked along the crosswalk, Cameron could appreciate the scenery. The buildings were mostly wooden with grey or brown gabled roofs and there were a lot of wooden gateways. The smell of salt, seafood and chocolate, among others she couldn't identify, reached her nostrils. It was a nice place to walk around and relax.

"Where is your lovely future machine?" House asked suddenly.

"If I remember correctly, it's just a few feet from here, right in front of the Antiquities store," she answered, tilting slightly her head and pointing at the place with her finger.

He started to limp faster towards where Cameron had pointed. "Let's see what holds us our dark and fucked up future," he mumbled, loud enough for Cameron to listen, making her frown but followed him until they reached a lonely machine, which was in a corner.

It was a wooden box with painted edges resembling a tiger's skin and a part of it had glass walls, which said "ZOLTAR" in big, red capital letters. Inside of it, there was a bearded man with bright blue eyes. He wore a golden robe and turban and also a large necklace; in front of him, there was a mini plastic crystal ball and he had his hands over it.

House and Cameron stood there and stared at the machine for a few seconds. "Are you going to try it or not?"

"Yeah."

"Then what are you waiting for? He is not going to eat your hand, you know?"

"Okay." She looked into her purse for a dollar but soon she realized that she didn't have any bill of less than twenty dollars. "House… sorry, I don't have change. Do you have a dollar?"

"Do you realize I think this is a waste of time and money?"

"Yes, but I've wanted to do it since I saw 'Big', when I was twelve," she answered, raising her shoulders with a weak smile.

He rolled his eyes before adding the coin into the machine. It beeped and the genius moved his eyes and his hands over the crystal ball, and then expelled a small rectangle of paper, which he took. It read "YOUR FORTUNE" in red letters and below it, there was a cartoon showing a happy man with a luggage under an airplane. Below the picture, there was the Zoltar's prediction.

"Read it, please," Cameron asked him.

"No. I pay, you read." He answered, giving her the piece of paper. She nodded, took it and began reading.

"Your fortune: You've been trying to figure out the best time to travel. You're wondering if a business trip or a vacation would be good. You may be wondering if to travel is a better thing than to arrive. It is not fit that everyone should travel. You change your sky, not your mind, when you cross the sea or land. A busy idleness possesses you, you seek a happy life, with ships, cars and planes: the object of your search is present within you," House, when he heard that, looked quickly at Cameron from the corner of his eye. "If you travel for your holiday, remember, a good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are more vague than ours. Play again! Your lucky numbers: 39, 34, 28, 8, 2 and 32."

"Well, that certainly fits well with you, especially about the notions of time," she added with a smirk.

"And that's it? I've just wasted a dollar for that shit?"

"Hey, he's an old man. He has been here even before I was born and he's tired of thinking about predictions."

"So if he's old, it means I'm destined to be in a museum? I'm at least ten years older than him," he protested in a way so childishly that Cameron could not help but smile.

"House, you know what I mean."

"Really? Then is this expense worth it? I'm starving; let's go to eat something. Are there any good restaurants?"

"Well, do you like seafood?"

"Are you kidding? Any man who can be respected loves any kind of seafood."

"I've heard that the clam chowder here is delicious. Just let me ask for the restaurant, okay?" she walked away and asked a pedestrian passing by where were the chowders sold. The man told her some directions and she returned to where House was. "'Chowders' is right at the beginning of the pier, near of the parking. But I don't want to return to the hotel right after the dinner, it's too early for that; I'd like to walk around a little."

"You better they cook a non-poisonous chowder."

"Don't worry about that. The man told me it was one of the best restaurants in the city." She flashed a quick smile and he nodded.

They walked past the small but colorful carousel and through the stores until they reached the end of the pier, where they could see both Alcatraz Island and the California sea lions which were camped in the Marina, resting freely at the fading sunlight. Cameron, resting her elbows over the railing that surrounded the wharf, stared alternatively at the Alcatraz Prison and the sleeping animals, while House merely gazed at the Marina, with both hands holding the handle of his cane. His arm almost touched hers.

After a few minutes in companionable silence, House got bored and began to stare at Cameron insistently until she finally spoke. "It would be nice to live like those sea lions. They can stay there and sleep the whole day, only having to move to hunt their lunch and to get your couple."

"Would you enjoy living piled with many others like you, all of them crushing you and always having to smell their fishy breath?" House grimaced.

"I don't think they do care about that, House. So if they don't, neither do I," she replied shaking slightly her head.

_Here we go again_, House thought. _Cameron is a never-ending puzzle; when I think I'm done with her, there always appears a new piece. Who in the Earth would want to live like a stinky sea lion? Though this type of life doesn't sound that bad, at least they don't have to see Cuddy's twins every day… Wait, what did I just think? Since when does Cuddy's cleavage bother me? Oh, never mind. This trip is making me an idiot…_ His thoughts were again interrupted by Cameron.

"I was thinking… We should go to Alcatraz."

House's face lit up like a child on Christmas Day. "Really? When? Can we imprison ourselves in Al Capone's room? _Please_?" He begged.

Cameron laughed at his enthusiasm, a bit surprised that he had said the magic word but she didn't mention it. "Maybe tomorrow afternoon or the day after."

"How long are we going to stay here? Didn't you say the trip was going to last only three weeks?" he frowned.

"We're going to Los Angeles the day after tomorrow at the evening," she answered, clenching a little and evading deliberately the second question and he realized it.

"Cameron, how long is it going to last? Answer it."

"I've already told you." She finally cleaned her eyes from the sea lions and began walking towards the restaurant but House grabbed her arm.

"No, no, answer me." His brow furrowed.

"Uh," she hesitated and made a face "It's going to last a _bit_ longer, maybe one more week."

_A month? But then, it hasn't been that bad, and I already have lots of ideas to annoy her so it can be fun…_ he thought "Okay," he said simply, making Cameron's mouth open slightly in astonishment, as she had expected him to whine, but said nothing as they started walking to the restaurant.

-o-

When they entered it, a strong smell of chowder reached them and made their mouths water. It was a small, maritime-style place, where everything was made of wood and had a very homey atmosphere.

"You pay," House said, pointing at Cameron with a finger as they joined the line to order their food.

"What? Why?" She sputtered, her eyes widening.

"Because I had to spend a dollar in your genius."

"It was just _a _dollar, it's not like it was a hundred! Why do I have to pay for your food?" she almost shrieked, raising her hands in distress.

"Well, Wilson does." He arched an eyebrow.

"But I am not Wilson," she contradicted.

"Since he isn't here, you're his replacement, so you have to pay."

She took a deep breath, realizing she had lost the battle – for now – when it was their turn to order, and approached to the cashier.

"Good afternoon," the woman greeted with a tired voice. "What do you want to order?"

"I would like to order two white clam chowders, please."

"Fifteen dollars, please." She replied, pressing a few buttons on her machine.

Glaring at House who had a smug smile on his face, Cameron pulled out a twenty-dollar bill from her purse, paid the cashier with it and they went to sit.

Soon, their orders were served; some creamy clam chowder served in a sourdough bread bowl. It smelt delicious.

"Damn, they really know how to cook." House groaned when he took his first sip of his chowder and Cameron had to agree with him.

"So, what are we going to do from the list tomorrow?" he swallowed another spoonful of food.

"I think we are going to drive down Lombard Street and maybe try to parody the Sony Bravia commercial. And in the evening, as I told you, we are going to the Alcatraz prison though, that is not in the list."

"Which Sony Bravia commercial? There are enough of them filmed in San Francisco."

"The one in which there are thousands of bouncing balls jumping everywhere, do you remember it?"

"Yes, I do. Are we really going to replay it?"

"I said that, yes. Tomorrow we have to go to some toy store to buy a few bouncy balls. No more than fifty, I think. I don't want to end up in jail because we did some catastrophe."

"Sounds good." _Only fifty balls? Boooring. I have to think in something to do that more entertaining._

She grabbed her purse and pulled out from it a very well known orange bottle with white tap that contained white pills. "Oh, and before I forget it, here you have. I think I can trust you now," she said, giving it to House.

"Why, thank you," he replied after watching his bottle more closely. "Wait, are you sure that's my Vicodin? It's impossible."

"Why? I'm pretty sure I haven't mistaken it with other pills because I simply have nothing to confuse them with."

"Because the bottle is half full and a week have passed. At this point, it should be already empty."

"Well, I think I'm good at controlling your intake," she quipped.

"Yeah, sure. How the hell did you do it? Or did you give me other pills?"

"No, I swear you I didn't!" she shook her head. "Also I think you would recognize if the taste of the pill was different."

He narrowed his eyes and stared at her intently before admitting she wasn't lying. And she was also right: he could differentiate the Vicodin taste from other meds. But… how was _that_ possible? He was going to figure it out later.

Minutes later, they both were chewing the last crumb of the bread bowl, completely satisfied from their dinner.

"Ready to go?"

"I think so though I'm not very excited to say to meet the Japanese girls that await me in my room. They aren't my type."

"I'm not exchanging my room with yours," she said with a smile.

"You're mean!" he complained as they got out of the restaurant.

-o-

Back in the hotel, House was almost asleep when his phone rang, the notes from _Tell Mama_, by Etta James, spreading throughout the room.

_You thought you had found a good girl,_

_One to love you and give you the world_

_Now you find that you been misused,_

_Talk to me, I'll do what you choose._

He groaned deeply before sitting on the bed, turning on the lights and answering the phone, already knowing who was calling him.

"House?"

"Duh no, I'm Ashley and like, oh my God! Did you know? I've just went shopping and found the cutest top ever! Do you want to come over and try it?" he answered in his best "valley girl" accent. He could imagine Wilson rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone.

With a sigh, Wilson said in a soft voice, "House, I'm sorry."

"I told you my name is not House, it's Ashley, for sure! And why are you sorry?" he whined, still with his girly accent.

"I'm sorry about your dad. And I left you alone in a time like this; I should have been there for you and drive you to the funeral. I'm glad you went there on your own."

House snorted. "Again, I'm not sorry. And what makes you think I came here on my own?"

"Didn't you? Then how…?"

"The Evil Queen Cuddles and her loyal servant, Cammie, made a plot against me, drugging and dragging me to California."

"Oh, wow. And are you still there?"

"Yes, and I won't return to Princeton until November or so."

"Why?"

"Cameron had the crazy idea to do a road trip across the country and I'm just playing along."

"Wait, what? You are in a road trip with Cameron? Since when do you agree with something like _that_? When I asked you to come with me to Connecticut just to sign some papers, you threw a vase at my head!"

"It was because you wanted to see your evil ex once more!"

"It was also a road trip! What makes this trip with Cameron so different from the one I offered you? Unless…" Wilson gasped when he realized the difference, and House groaned when he understood what Wilson thought. "You agreed because of _her_. You're finally beginning to realize that you like _her_!"

"You know, you sounded like a girl. And no, I don't like her."

"Yes, you do, and always did! You rejected her three years ago just ago because you thought she wasn't worth you, she deserved a younger and non-crippled man who could be caring and loving to her and that's why you left her to be with Chase. What has changed now?"

"Am I talking to Dr. Phil? It's a pleasure to finally meet you! But you're wrong; I don't like Cameron. Why should I? She is a mixture between the Love-a-Lot Bear and the Tenderheart Bear from the Care Bears; too caring for me."

"Listen to me, I'm serious. This may be your last chance with –"

"Are you listening to me or do I have to write it down and send you a text message? I'm. Not. In. Love. With. Her," he interrupted, almost angry.

"Aha! I never said you were in love with her; you just give away. Don't scre –" Wilson could never finish his phrase because House had hung and turned off his phone so he wasn't going to receive another annoying call from him.

He collapsed softly on the bed, puffing his cheeks and releasing the air slowly. This was their first conversation since he left the hospital, after Amber's death; he had already forgotten how irritating Wilson could be sometimes… He shook his head. _Stop thinking about it! He isn't worth it as a friend; he had cared more about Amber and didn't give a damn about what I did, trying to save her. I should just kick him to Djibouti so I won't hear from him and his shitty psychoanalytic babble…_

Suddenly, he began grinning mischievously. He had just had an idea to make with the Sony Bravia parody. Oh, that's was so going to be fun.

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><p><strong>AN: While writing this chapter, I realized I made a mistake by making the list. The Sony commercial was filmed around 2005 so there's no way that Cameron was able to watch it before her road trip, in the nineties. So let's think she later checked the list again and added the challenge after watching it. :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**Uh, hi! I'm alive! **

**I can't believe I hadn't updated since April and I'm really, really sorry. School has me increasingly busy and I've been sick for a while. Besides, I had zero inspiration and when an idea finally popped into my head, I had to rewrite everything I had already written because, believe me, it was awful – I know, no excuses but well, life happens. And as always, thanks to my Beta, **TrenchcoatsAreSexy**!**

**I also wanted to tell you guys are awesome! Thanks so much for the reviews, favs and alerts! Though I would like more reviews, please? They could make my fingers type faster!**

**So I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! It was fun :)**

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><p><strong><em>IMPORTANT<em>: By the way, because of a review I received, I'll leave here a link so you can watch the Sony Bravia (I recommend you to do it before reading this chapter, so you'll understand it better!). Of course, this thing won't allow me to put a link so I'll leave the final part of it and you'll have to complete it with Youtube.**

**Link: watch?v=2Bb8P7dfjVw**

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><p><span>Chapter Five<span>

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><p><em>Saturday October 4<em>_th__, 2008 – Day Two._

_Destination: San Francisco, California._

"House! Can you be quiet for a moment and let's out from here? You have been here for an hour already!"

"But mommy, I just wanna play!" he whined.

They were at a Toys'R'Us in Oakland, supposedly buying the bouncy balls to carry out their mission, but as soon as they entered into the store, House almost 'ran' towards the video game department. Cameron was having a hard time keeping him quiet and struggled to take him out of the department.

"We are here just to buy those damn balls, not so you can to buy new games for your thing and get distracted while you should be treating your patient!" she tried hard to not scream, almost exasperated.

"But I want to buy a game, I just don't know which one! If God of War: Chains of Olympus or Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops Plus. Help me to choose, mooommy!"

"I know nothing about video games for PSP, House. Just choose one!"

"Since you aren't any help, then," he took a deep breath and began singing, pointing alternatively at both games. "Eeny, meeny miny, moe. Catch a tiger by the toe…" She groaned but watched with amusement his selection process.

"It's God of War, then!" he said triumphantly when his song ended.

"Hooray for you!" she applauded sarcastically. "Can we buy those balls now?"

"You're not funny!"

They walked through the aisles until they reached the babies area. Cameron was comparing the prices of the different kinds of bounce balls when House began walking away.

"Hey! Where are you going? I'm not going to pick you at the video games department again!"

"Calm down, Cameron. I'm not going back there. I just remembered I wanted to pick up something, okay? I'll meet you at the exit." She nodded reluctantly.

"Okay. At least don't be too long," she mumbled, knowing he wasn't going to hear her, as she returned her attention to the packs of rubber balls but with one thought haunting her mind. _What in the hell would he want buy here besides video games? Knowing him, it's nothing good._

After approximately five minutes, she had chosen two packs of small rubber balls in bright colors, which were the cheapest ones, and went to the cash register. When she arrived, she realized House was already waiting at the exit with a heavy-looking bag hanging from his hand. Curious, she hurried her pace, going through the cash, paying for what she had taken, until she was able to reach him and tried to take his bag but he pulled it away.

"Uh-oh. You can't see what I bought yet."

"Why not?" she frowned.

"Patience, Cameron, patience."

Rolling her eyes, she replied. "Said by a person who can't stand being near his own patients."

"And you are Saint Allison, the patron of patience and care. By the way, you told me to not be late. The only late one here is you." She narrowed her eyes but dropped the subject. She was going to find out later.

-o-

Cameron parked her car in a pretty lonely, sloping street with few cars, so what they were about to do wouldn't do any harm.

"Okay, our third challenge, here we go," she said, feeling a bit excited, but also afraid that something bad would happen.

They got out from the car; she was carrying only one package of balls. Before she could realize, House had taken the bag from her hand.

Releasing a sigh, she told him, "Can you wait for me just a minute? I'm only going to get the second bag." With his nod, she returned to the car as he walked a little more downhill.

Not even two minutes had passed when she heard thumps rolling down the street. Of course House had begun throwing the balls without her. But… wait a minute. There was something wrong: these thumps were accompanied with some weak but audible splashes. Not wanting to imagine what he was doing, she returned quickly to where he was.

She also hadn't expected the spectacle that her eyes saw.

There were approximately twenty balls bouncing everywhere, each one of them was dripping copious amounts of paint that splashed the pavement, the walls of buildings, cars, plants, pretty much _everything_. Cameron's eyes widened – he thought they would come out of their orbits by how wide they were – as she watched the picturesque city of San Francisco becoming in a life-size abstract painting.

It was the mother of disaster.

"I guess… we have to go from here now, before the police discover us," she said, arching an eyebrow in shock but surprisingly calm, which made House feel a bit uneasy, and pulled him by the hand towards the car.

The first minutes, as she drove away, passed in silence. He was surprised; he had expected her to scream to him or at least, to manifest some sign of anger.

When she stopped at a traffic light, she saw House's hands, which were almost dripping with paint. With a sigh, she leaned towards the glove compartment, opened it and pulled out a package of Kleenex and a small plastic bag. "Take it. Wipe the paint from your hands and be careful not to stain my car. When you finish, throw the used tissues into the bag and put it back to the glove compartment," she ordered.

He did so and waited again for her to speak.

"What were you thinking when you transformed the city into a… a…?" she finally spoke, gesturing with a hand.

"Pollock?" he offered.

"Yes! A big Jackson Pollock painting, but you know that wasn't my point. Why did you do that?"

"What you planned to do was too boring and that was a way to become things a bit more interesting."

"Interesting? I know there are risky things in the list but almost none of them are so extreme that we can end up in jail for doing them."

"But admit it, it was fun."

Cameron was quiet for a few seconds as she recalled the moment: a street covered with drops of neon paint certainly made it look interesting, and smiled. "Yes, it was."

He sighed. "You know I'm not going to apologize."

"I wasn't asking you for an apology, I know you enough to not bother. But I would like you to promise me to not do anything like that again or I swear I'm going to drop you in the middle of nowhere. We were lucky that nobody saw us."

"You're not. You are too nice to do something like that," he said with a smirk, which she answered with a sweet smile

"Do you want to bet? You don't know what I'm capable of."

"I'd rather see those capacities in private." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, earninga slap in the arm from her. "Ouch! You know, there are rights for the disabled, and I'm going to sue you to Amnesty International for not respecting them."

"Then sue you for your treatment towards your patients," she retorted.

"Touché," he admitted quietly. "Are we going to eat Subway?" he asked a few minutes later, when Cameron stopped in front of the fast food restaurant.

"Yeah. Just something quick, so we can take the boat to Alcatraz on time."

"Sounds good."

It was, indeed, a quick lunch. House barely was able to enjoy his meatball sub because Cameron was too aware of the time they had – she didn't want to lose her reservations for Alcatraz –, so much that she practically swallowed her veggie sub and ran out, forgetting to wait for her boss. She realized what she did until she was starting her car.

With that realization, she stared straight ahead in disbelief and began to get out of the vehicle but before she could even reach for the door handle, a face appeared in the window, making her jump and gasp.

"So you were really planning on dropping me somewhere in the other side of the country? That's awful and I can fire you, you know?" He shook his head with a slight smirk, making her open and close her mouth several times. "Oh, stop it, you look like a dying fish." He walked around and entered the car. "Can we go? I didn't break the record by eating that sub in five minutes for nothing."

"Hum, sure," she started the engine again. "Let's go."

-o-

The first thing Cameron saw when she stepped on The Rock was a wall with an "Indians welcome" painted in red letters and under it, a sign that told:

"**United States Penitentiary**

**Alcatraz Island Area: 12 acres**

**1 ½ miles to transport dock**

**Only government boats permitted**

**Others must keep off 200 yard**

**No one allowed ashore**

**without a pass"**

It made her feel a bit uncomfortable.

Suddenly, House stood behind her and whispered into her ear with a low, deep tone. "You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else you get is a privilege."

"What?" She turned around quickly, trying to suppress the shiver that ran down her spine, caused by his voice.

"It's the Alcatraz rule number five. A bit creepy." She agreed with that, and stared towards the prison again.

"I wonder what the prisoners thought when they were sent here."

"Nothing. They were probably too busy in planning their escape and next crime."

"Yeah, maybe. Come on, let's imprison yourself as you wanted."

"Hey, not that quick. Let's make this more realistic. Why am I being imprisoned?"

She shrugged. "Because a patient sued you and won?"

"That's boring. You can do better," he said with a grimace.

She thought in another reason and quickly came with a more elaborated story. "You belonged to the American Mafia in Chicago and you were responsible on making money laundering."

"I lived surrounded by hot chicks and smoked only Cuban tobacco. Allison, meet Giancarlo Bianchi," he said with an Italian accent.

"Such a pleasure to meet you but don't dare to call me by my name. For you, I am Sergeant Cameron." Her tone was serious and House had to hide his smile when he realized that she was going along with his little game.

"If here I have guards as beautiful as you, _Sergeant_ Cameron, here might not be such a horrible place."

"Shut up and walk! There is a nice tiny cell waiting for you," she commanded. He smirked. She was sexy when she was authoritative.

Because of House's leg, they took a trolley car to climb the steep path, though Cameron complained that he didn't deserve that privilege. As the tram reached the top, they were able to see a worn down fortress, an officers' social club, and a spooky-looking morgue. The trolley soon reached the Cell house, the main building, and they got out of it.

Once inside, before entering the main room, they saw a picture with a _"Break the rules and you go to prison, break the prison rules and you go to Alcatraz" _written on it.

"I shouldn't have broken that window in the prison where I was."

"Of course you shouldn't have. Nor have cried in the middle of lunch the food was poisoned. Now I am serious: shut up." He had to smile. Cameron was good.

They now entered the main room, where a man gave them an audio device so they could take a self-guided tour around the prison, but they decided against using it: it would take away the realism of his game – well, as realistic as it could be.

"We are lacking in uniforms so until they bring us more," she reached into her purse, pulled out a pad of Post-it notes along with a pen, scribbled a few numbers on the note and stuck it on his shirt. "I will settle for that. Your prison number." He read it and huffed. 2160. The Coma patient's room number. _Very wise._ "Come! I have to show you everything."

Past the main room, they entered a long narrow room with several showers in the center. "Shower time is at eight in the morning." House opened his mouth but his words were stuck on his throat under the glare she gave him and they continued walking.

They visited the library. – Cameron warned him that he couldn't visit it frequently – the kitchen and the dining hall, which was also known as the 'Gas Chamber' due to the teargas canisters installed. They also went to the recreation yard, the only place outside where the prisoners were able to go.

And finally, they reached the Broadway, a long hallway between B and C cellblocks. When she saw an open cell, she pushed House, or rather Giancarlo Bianchi, inside. "Here is your cell."

Bianchi's cell was a tiny room with white, green and black walls. It had a wooden board protruding from the wall, which served as a bed. Next to the bed, there was a small sink and also a toilet. And nothing more. Alcatraz prisoners truly had almost no privileges.

"Don't be so stupid to even think on escaping. You will never get it and if you try, instead of freedom, we will lock you up in one of the cells from the D block. Once there, I assure you will be pleading me to get you back to your cell. Understood?"

"Yes, Sergeant Cameron," he replied, his face serious but his tone was mocking. She narrowed her eyes but let it go and left the room though House knew she was staying near.

"Finally alone. It's a good thing that I was able to bring my spoon and they didn't confiscate it. Time to put my plan into action!" He sat on the bed, pulled out a spoon from his pocket and began to scratch the wall with his tool.

Cameron took his words as a clue and reentered the cell.

Of course, she found his prisoner scratching a wall with a spoon. She sighed. She had seen a lot of convicts trying to escape using a spoon. Why a spoon? She didn't understand that but that action deserved a punishment. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Decorating my wall, what else?" he said with light sarcasm and she quirked an eyebrow.

"Nice try, but a cell in the D section is waiting for you." She grabbed his wrist and began to walk, dragging him with her.

A few minutes later, they reached the cell 14D in said block. This cell was known to be haunted by spirits of dead prisoners. Knowing that, Cameron failed to hide her grimace. She didn't like this place but she had to continue with her character, so she pushed him lightly.

House wasn't happy, either. Of course he didn't believe in spirits but there was something that made him uncomfortable, therefore he grabbed her arm, pulled her to him and whispered in her ear. "Sergeant Cameron, you can't do that to me. Please. I just want to get out of here... and I also want you to come with me. I know you hate this job and you can get another one."

She moved her head towards his, which made their eyes to connect. He was staring at her with such intensity that she had a hard time to think, so she, with a bit of difficult, broke the gaze and cleared her throat. "Why would I go with you, a gangster? And if you must know, I love my job," she replied coldly.

"No. You don't. If you did, you wouldn't have that 'I want to run away from here' look in your eyes. Come on, let's go!" She bit her lower lip, thinking.

"You are right," her voice was barely audible. "Fine. I'm coming but once outside, we're taking separate ways, ok?"

He nodded. "How can we go out of there?"

"You are lucky that you don't have an uniform and because of thus I just have to take this away." She yanked the Post-it glued to his shirt. "Follow me."

They walked out from the building, occasionally hiding behind a column, and until they were on board, they dropped their acting.

"That was fun." Cameron smiled but House didn't answer, although mentally, he agreed with what she had said.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm not sure when I'm going to update again but I promise you that it won't be more than four months! <strong>


	7. NOTE

Um, hi! *hides under a rock*

Okay, I know, I broke my promise and I'm truly sorry for that. You see, since House ended, it has been really hard to find inspiration to write this story because of the lack of something new to feed my Hameron obsession.

You decide. Should I continue this story or not? I'm undecided on whether to continue it or not, because I really love it, though I think… I need to let this ship sail because otherwise, I know I'll end up hating it – it has happened before with other fandoms – and I really don't want that because House and Cameron make one of the best couples I've ever seen.

If I decide not to continue it, I'll write in the summary that this story has been discontinued.

I'm so sorry.

Sincerely,

Andy (aka. Noremah)


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